In 6 days, I will be 30 years old.
Women tend to fear the aging process. I can honestly say I am going into thirty like a cheetah on the Serengeti. When I think about my twenties, I remember lots of alcohol. I remember making decisions that were dubious at best. I tried drugs, men, staying up all night, playing hooky from work and school, sleeping for whole days, being awake for whole days, going to New Orleans instead of paying bills. I also remember meeting people who I believed to be true friends, only to be stabbed in the back by them. I think about the people that I let hurt me. I think about all the times I let something go because it was easier to be complacent rather than stand up for myself and make a scene. I think about one particular betrayal that I will never forgive/forget no matter how much time passes. I think about how many times my heart was broken by a man that I wanted so badly to just love me. I think about how many mistakes I made.
I also think about the friends I made for life. I think about the trip I took to NYC and how I was lost for hours in the middle of the night on the streets on New York, alone, with my suitcase trying to stay calm and alive. I think about how terrifying and exhilarating that was. I think about the week I spent in Boston with my best friend, learning about a world that was alien to my native Baton Rouge. I discovered a world of intelligence, tolerance, art, beauty, history, and some of the best Italian food on the planet. I think about the nights I stayed up laughing with friends instead of getting a sensible good night's sleep. I think about the many times I was hung-over at work. I think about the many times I disobeyed my parents to have fun instead of following their rules.
I don't regret any of it. I would not change one single thing about my twenties.
My twenties, making stupid and sometimes wildly dangerous decisions, have resulted in some of the best experiences of my life and also some of the harshest lessons I've ever learned. This is what arms me for my thirties.
I will face 30 with a serenity that was previously unknown to me. I have an arsenal of heartbreak to guide me through the next ten years of dating. I have 10 years of service industry work to help me appreciate my desk job with regular hours and pay. I own a roof over my head rather than renting a shoe-box to live in. I have a loving family. I definitely have my dark days here and there but I always come out on the other side shining bright. Sometimes I just have to allow myself to wallow for a day, just ONE day, then sleep it off and start the next day with a smile.
I am awesome.
It's taken me a while to get that. I mean, REALLY understand and believe that I am an absolutely rockin' human being. I surround myself with people that elevate me; I surround myself with those that bring me joy. I have zero time allotted for those who seek to bring others down, or have a sour attitude. I am flawed. I am hopeful. I am a work-in-progress. I am wonderful just the way I am.
Bring it on, 30!
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